Ok, I am going to be in Orlando all week this week so look me up at BROOKEISHOT.COM, schedule yourself an appointment and lets make it happen!  Here’s a quick video of things to “cum” if you do!

I don’t like condoms.  They suck.  The best part about a cock is feeling that soft head followed by a rock hard rod sliding in for the first time.  Condoms stick.  They feel like, well, a condom.  I am not saying I can’t get off with a condom on, I can, have, and will again, but we gotta cum up with something better.  See what I did there.  “cum up”  Come on.  That was amusing, I don’t care who you are.  Where were we?  Condoms.  You know what else sucks?  Cum sucks in a contraceptive.  Cum is warm and greasy and when it’s let loose in me I pretty much cum just from that slippery, sultry warmth of it pouring deep in me.  In a condom,  it’s kind of strange looking.  Just hangs there, looking all slimy.  Not appetizing at all.  It’s pretty much only suitable for draining into a cucks mouth if you happen to have one nearby.  Again, I’m going off base.  I had the plumbing yanked years ago so I can’t get pregnant so that’s not an issue.  I just don’t know where you fellas have been stuffing your wankers.  Never had an STD and not interested in introducing myself to one now so…condoms.  Fucking condoms.  I test, I test a lot, it’s not quite $175.  Apparently that’s a fortune to most guys.  I love listening to them telling me why they are the ones who will get go bareback for whatever dumbass reason or reasons they come up with.  One of two things happens, they talk themselves right out of a piece of ass, or they slide the condom on.  I also like the guys who show up with tests older than me.  Beat it Grandpa.  What’s the point here?  I don’t have a clue.  I fuck a lot of guys who wear condoms, maybe?  I don’t know.  Get a damn test so we can do weird things without having to wear a Goodyear tire.

Tinder is a trip.  Guys are such pussies on there.  They don’t go through with the dates.  First things first, I will not show up to your apartment in the ghetto.  Not to Stereotype but that’s where a lot of bad things happen.  You know, like shootings, stabbings, serial killings, the list goes on and on.  Second, if you don’t have a car, live with your parents or in a basement… it ain’t happening.  I don’t know why guys get so touchy about sending dick pics.  I ask for them, it’s not like I don’t know what you’re going to send me.  I enjoy the dick pics.  It’s what I plan on putting in my mouth if all goes well.  Why you won’t send them is beyond me.  I send pics of myself to you.  What am I looking for?  A reasonable size dick.  Let’s be honest.  Size matters.  Not that you have to have a twelve incher, though that’s perfectly fine if you do, but there is a cutoff point.  That may be a bad way of putting that.  Anyway, if you have like three inches or fewer fully erect, I am probably not interested.  Look, I’ve got a box that knows what it likes and it likes over three inches.  Very few guys have less than three inches so the odds are slim.  Plus, I just like to see what I will be playing with.  I role play.  If you have a big one I like to pretend I have a BF at home with a tiny penis and I am humiliating him.  Got a small one, I like to give head because I can swallow that bastard to the balls and I enjoy tasting balls when I suck a dick.  Stick that tongue out and tickle those balls, usually gives me a mouthful of creamy goodness.  Which, has to be timed correctly because I am there to get off as well and I don’t want to do it myself.  If I did, I wouldn’t be there in the first place dummy.  So no tickle the balls till my brain function is temporarily screwed up causing me to make weird faces.  I have no clue why I’m talking about Tinder… yet I am.  Not anymore.

So, someone asked me what my beef is with chicks who edit the holy crap out of their pictures.  No beef, but the same girls who bitch about it always post how we should love them and everyone just the way they are.  Then they edit their fat ass’s thin, knock off a hundred years of cigarette, meth, weed, and pill wrinkles, and pose in over loaded exercise outfits.  Go to any convention.  You will see precisely what I mean.  I’m astounded that half these folks even show up knowing they are seventy-five pounds fatter than their social media photos and the worst shot, foggiest, grainiest, out of focus videos portray them to be.  I must have the best phone on the planet.  The video it takes is so crystal clear it shows all my wrinkles and blemishes.  It also shows my real age, weight, and physical fitness level.  I suppose I should get one of these magical phones with the magical apps to edit myself perfect.  No.  Don’t think so.  I consider myself mentally stable.  Snarky comments are free speech and free speech is king.  I don’t report people, cry about what they say, hell, I don’t recall what they said after five minutes.  Take it like a man you pretentious imbeciles and please cancel my subscription to your issues.  Lol, thats fucked up.  But it’s true.  Time to call it quits for the day.

Catch you all Later!